“It is only when you are lost, that you are truly found”
The quote above resonates ever so clearly on the frontier of thought and contemplation, like the reverberation of ebon-thunderous clouds rolling over landscapes transfixed in seizure, of what were once emerald valleys abundant with lucid contemplation gilded dreams of spiritual illumination and peaceful notions... now beset by the hooves of tempest and problematical deliberation. For quite some time I have attempted to write this post, placed it aside, tinkered with it and even criticized it with a mode of logical and illogical questioning; was I in fact being too harsh on current impediments and not observing it in a more conventional manner or not indifferent enough to the situation which has forbiddingly loomed over my head for the past few months- allegorically... resembling the visual illustration in fugue, of raven’s wings where their blackness became much like a crown, clouding better judgment. I tend to review my own writings of a more personal nature over a period of time, as to reflect upon them and take in from my own words what it truly is I require most—so excuse me if I seem to be rambling on and moving in circles as this composition of opinion, philosophy, forethought and emotion is an accumulation of past and present experience, theory and belief that has surfaced over these past couple of months. In a sense it has brought me into my own ‘becoming’ and ‘awakening’—a sense of realization that I have cheated myself of my own personal growth by not following instinctive intuitions and the writing on the wall.
Without going into too much depth, in the past, I have found myself in the company of some rather negative influences that came into my life in the glory of friendship, acceptance and even open-mindedness. With this faux company, I had discovered that no one was worthy enough; nothing was good enough, no lifestyle opulent enough, or gave enough to be warranted equal status. Other Pagans and Witches were not considered valuable or precious enough to be juxtaposed to this person’s presence... and I found myself taking on the same unconstructive and pessimistic values of materialism, selfishness and vanity so proudly and openly discussed and displayed. But worst of all judgmental and critical of appearances and lifestyles, this reflected negatively not only on me as a person but also the relationships around me. Shameful enough to be subjective and influenced by ‘conditional’ friendship, eventually all that I had strived to achieve dwindled away into distrust and emptiness, rendering naught but a nefarious residue of all that had been lost due to foul remark and lack of rational conclusion. The behaviour and demeanour of this person grew from negative to contaminated odium, filled with resentment, attention seeking, sympathetic ploys to gain favour from friends and acquaintances while trashing others lifestyles, relationships, personal appearance, hygiene and occupations behind their backs and declaring to be of the Goddess, standing in love, truth, forgiveness and sacredness. Little does this person know or realize, is that our sacredness doesn’t resume itself in the house we live in, the clothes we wear or any materialism outside of pure spirit- it rests inside of us, and everyone is entitled to their own sanctity of sacredness free of judgment and scorn without one instigating another Witch Hunt.
